The Illusion of Instant Love: Why Commitment Takes Time

Can I be really honest with you? Like super honest with you for a second. It'll only take a second, I promise. Let me just put the tip in ... LOL I'm kidding.

But seriously though I want to take a moment and appreciate all the women that try their hardest to get a man to commit to them. The countless strategies and techniques they devise and come up with when they become desirous of a man that they want to keep and to keep all to themselves.

I think dating apps are great. I use them all the time. I employ them in many ways from finding friends to getting in touch with potential lovers to engaging with potential prospects for long term relationships … because while I'm traveling the world, it can be so difficult when you don't know anyone there! You’re showing up and it’s time to make friends.

Now, saying all that, there's an interesting phenomenon I've seen occurring in many different ways in many different parts of the world but ultimately, it's just the same pattern with many different faces … literally. In my experience, many women in essence will try and get me to commit on some level to them, usually right out of the gate. If I don't, they disappear. I’m not knocking them for that, I mean, they know what they want, they know what they're looking for, and they're not going to settle for anything less.

And that I really admire while at the same time realizing it's not what I myself am looking for. It takes time for me to want to commit to someone. Maybe it used to not but with time and experience as I grow older, I've grown to know very well what I don't want, and many women don't get that because they are so used to men rolling over and giving them everything that they ask for and then some, and when "this" one doesn't, they can always turn over some other rock and voila, countless men crawling out of every nook and cranny that are willing and able to do so.

My point is directed at me … it takes time for me to develop to a level of committing and engaging in such a way, and if it doesn't take time, I’m going to take the time to make time to make it take time. That is to say, I try and slow down the process that everyone in the world is so committed to speeding up. We have instant meals, instant coffee, instant fast food. Why don't we get instant relationships, right? Wrong.

Relationships are built on patterns. If you haven’t taken the time to build the patterns in, and mind you not forcing them into place, that make a relationship sustainable, then the relationship is just an illusion that the other has built up in your mind knowing you’ll do anything to make that illusion real. But by then, they are long gone. The patterns required take time. Take the time to build those in place if you want a real relationship that will last.

And don’t fall for the illusion.